I went to the airport yesterday, to try (vainly) to change some flights that my business partner and I have booked for next week. Having already gotten as far as NOWHERE with the booking agent, I decided to trot on over to the airport, cut out the Monkeys and go straight, as it were, to the organ-grinder, i.e. the airline themselves.

Now, I'm not going to name the airline, because they're just doing what they do, i.e. charging the earth for a flight for which you get a) no refund if things fuck up and b) no flexibility re: routing and scheduling. Okay, so it's TWA. I'm definitely not going to name the travel agency because they are genuinely just doing they're job. But...

...The information desk staff at Pensacola Regional Airport (Main Terminal) needs a couple of things explained to them regarding dealing with people. Especially people like me.

Here's a transcript:

Me: Now, let me interject for a moment. "What for?" Well, because a) I want to speak to them (they've had my payment so they owe me at least that much) and b) because they're an airline and this is an airport and I have business concerning both. Or shall we try c) BECAUSE YOU, YOU CHEEKY BITCH, ARE SITTING UNDER A SIGN SAYING "INFOR-FUCKING-MATION" AND I'VE ASKED YOU A QUESTION, SO JUST FUCKING ANSWER IT NOW.

Now is it me or is this too simple? After much lolly gagging about, it transpires that TWA, despite flying from this airport, doesn’t have a desk or an office here. But, this took five minutes. It should have taken 1 word:

Info Desk Woman: No.

So, next time you're at the airport, go up to the info desk and ask something pointless. Pretend to not understand. Make up a whole new language if you like. Baffle, obfuscate and generally irritate the living shit out of them. I'll be doing this every time I go through there from now on (and I use the place a fair bit). Hopefully, as the statistics they have for "number of inquiries successfully dealt with" or some other such management reporting shit goes into a steep decline, they'll improve their staff, and Ms. What For will find herself answering questions such as "Are you actively seeking employment? How many interviews have you attended this week?"