What is the fucking deal with these Chia Pets! Hasn't this guy done enough damage already? This Chia guy and Bill Gates, they have no life and we just can't get rid of these guys. Come on, the Chia guy introduced a product that fulfilled the publics pent-up demand for what? Grass? And it never ends! Now there's a Chia Head! Who the hell is going to buy a Chia Head? I'll tell you who's going to *GET* the Chia head. Bald guys.

This Christmas, millions of wise-asses are going to give millions of bald guys Chia Heads. The really amazing thing about this is that the wise-asses are going to think that this is a pretty clever wit-connection. Don't act like this is news to you. You thought about it, but then you realized that it was probably pretty tacky. Personally, I've never been one to worry about tacky. On my car I have Chia Tires. Soft ride but whenever I park, I get towed away as an abandoned vehicle.

The Clapper? Excuse me, wasn't this a venereal disease at one time? Talk about product stigmas. Do you know anyone that actually HAS the Clapper? No. The fact is, people that have this never discuss it. There's a few call-in radio shows but that's all.

I think the Clapper represents the top of the bell curve for a lot of people's technical abilities. Its interesting though, as much as people love to brag about how they are too stupid to set the timer on the VCR...nobody ever says they can't operate a Clapper. This equation clearly demonstrates how Republicans such as Senator Phil Gramm can get elected to office. Talk about technological idiots...here's a guy that opposed electric vehicles because he thought the greasy steel floor would pose a fall hazard for women in heals. (For those of you that don't get the "electric bumper-car" analogy substitute the joke: He thought the long extension cords would cause more traffic congestion.) I guarantee you Senator Gramm's made some major Chia Pet purchases as well.

While we're at it, can we expose Sports Illustrated magazine for what it really is? Have you seen this? Sports Illustrated isn't selling a lousy magazine...they're selling a lousy blooper video, cheap clock radio, jersey, cap, tee-shirt, shoes, socks, camera, glassware, toenail clippers...Just how stupid does Sports Illustrated take its advertisers to be? Can you imagine this? You're trying to figure out where to spend your advertising dollars and you see that according to Sports Illustrated, their circulation is 10 gazillion subscribers yet later you learn that only 6 people have ever actually seen the magazine. Hey, Time/Warner, do your advertisers fall for this? And excuse me, but is it possible to make a longer more annoying bunch of commercials than you people have produced? Who trained these people…AT&T? The commercials that never end. Hey Sports Illustrated, get a clue, just because you're whining louder, longer, and bribing me with plastic cameras I am not going to subscribe to your blooper video...or whatever it is that you're trying to shove down my throat. These guys at Time/Warner are kind of the "used car" dealers of magazine subscriptions aren't they? They advertise all their magazines this way. Hey, why not just offer to pay your subscribers cash for accepting a subscription? There you go! Cut to the chase. Offer to send $10.00 to anyone that will allow you to deliver your magazine to his or her mailbox. This *IS* exactly what you're doing anyway. Do you really think your target demographic audience is so stupid that they do not comprehend this? You think we're all the mental equivalents of Jenny Jones or what?

Can you believe that Jenny Jones has a talk show? Have you seen this woman? If you've missed this than it'll be worth it to you to hire someone to set the timer on the VCR to record her show. Ditz does not do this woman justice. You'd be hard pressed to find a mold organism that is less plugged in than Jenny Jones. You know, I'm pretty sure that Jenny Jones is actually Phil Gramm in drag.